On our way to the hospital-the first time.
I know I haven't updated the blog in a while, but the good news is I am not 12 months pregnant. Our baby girl did as she was told and vacated the premises in late May. The bad news-having three children is doing me in. The last three months have been as unpredictable as our baby girl's birth. Are you ready for this crazy story?
Now that I am three months in on sleep deprivation it is good to remember how I felt the night before I went into labor. I was getting so frustrated waiting for this baby to come. One more night of sitting on the couch hoping tomorrow would be the day as the minutes passed slowly seemed unbearable. So instead I turned to Ben at 7:00pm and said "What time is 'What To Expect When You Are Expecting' playing in the theatre tonight?" He looked it up on his phone and replied 7:40. "Okay," I replied, "Can you put the kids to bed?" A little surprised, but too scared to upset the 9 months pregnant woman he replied "Sure." I picked up the keys and walked out. So glad I did since unbeknownst to me it was my last night of freedom.
I am sure you are asking why didn't you go with Ben? Well being the emotionally unstable 9 months pregnant woman that I was. I was afraid that he would laugh a little too hard at the movie's pregnancy jokes which in turn would result in my fuming and then crying and then me blubbering/lecturing him on how he had no clue how hard this was and how you loose your body and all dignity and so on. Best decision ever to go alone. Besides I was a big girl (literally and figuratively) I didn't need someone to go to the movies with.
So instead I waddled into the movie theatre by myself and tried not to wet my pants as I laughed them off! It was hilarious. I received a few looks being the 9 months pregnant lady to which I smiled and gave them my best beauty queen wave.
I arrived home after everyone was tucked in and ended up sleeping on the couch for comfort reasons.
At 5:00 am I woke to contractions 5 minutes apart that were one minute in duration. At 6:00 I realized I was supposed to go in to the hospital per doctor instructions. I ignored the doctor instructions. I hate the hospital, didn't want to get there too early in the labor and most importantly wanted to get Dane off to school.
After the kids were taken care of and watched after, we arrived to the hospital at 9:00. I was only 2 cm dilated. After 2 hours of walking stairs, I was only a 2 and 1/2 cm. Besides the nurse said I didn't look like I was in that much pain. PAUSE- WRONG! I could feel each and every contraction, when they started and when they ended. I am just very stoic when I am in pain. She told me I could either go home or be induced but they were full and I wouldn't be able to get a room for another hour or two. I realized that really translated into 2-4 hours. Worried about the kids at home I decided to go home pick up Neve from the sitter and wait for labor to intensify to the hospital's liking. The nurse said to return when I couldn't talk through the pain of the contractions.
On our way home at noon we called Ben's sister, Elizabeth in North Carolina and asked if she could come up to watch the kids. She said she would be on her way after work.
The day progressed as did my labor as I planned multiple contingency plans for babysitters for Dane and Neve and cleaned the house. Yeah I am insane I know. At 6:30 pm we bathed the kids. Around 7:00pm as I was doing Neve's hair after her bath. I had to stop every few minutes to breath and had to ask Neve to not move. At that point I told Ben we should probably head to the hospital soon. Ben proceeded to put the kids to bed with a story that took FOREVER. I told him to hurry it up we needed to go NOW. He tucked the kids in and ran over to our neighbors to have our friend Chris come over until Elizabeth arrived. I waddled up the stairs to kiss my sweet babies goodnight realizing that this would be the last time I had just the two of them as my babes. It was now 7:30. I knew it was bad when I couldn't talk to Chris when he walked in because I had to breathe. Okay I thought "This is when the nurse said to come back-when I wasn't able to talk through the contractions."
We hopped in the car for the craziest ride of our life. Ben takes off and we are both doing okay. I page my OB's service and let them know I am on my way to the hospital. A few minutes into the ride, Ben chooses the shortcut route to the freeway that has um, oh, like TWENTY road bumps. After the fifth or so I 'sweetly' say "COULD YOU TAKE THEM ANY FREAKING FASTER!" as the car jumps up and down over the bump like a monster truck crushing old cars. So the sweet man goes over the next bump at oh about 0.05 miles per hour to which I again with nothing but 'sweetness' say "Um you don't have to go THAT slow." Poor man. I am starting to realize maybe I am farther along than I thought.
Once we hit the main road to the freeway peace is momentarily restored that is until....... I realize we don't have much time and tell him to please drive fast, REALLY fast. We get on the freeway and are relieved to see that we don't have to deal with traffic (It took 40 mins to get to the hospital earlier that day due to traffic). Love DC traffic....
Soon after choice words-which will not be repeated on this blog-were muttered by me, as I felt the urge to take my pants off. My mind refused that urge. As I realized that knowing that my pants were on would keep me from having this baby in the car. At this point I was holding onto the "Oh Crap" Bar above the window and pushing on my tiptoes with my body suspended in a straight line as I said things I should not repeat. Ben toes were putting all their weight on the gas petal, as he passed cops, and I cried for him to go faster. I unzipped my pants, thinking I can't take this anymore and yelling for an epidural. It was straight out of last night's movie with Elizabeth Banks' character yelling, "Get me the Juice!" Unfortunately there was no "juice" to be had. So instead I yelled at my husband to drive faster.
We pull up to the hospital, park illegally in the round about entrance and waddle into the hospital. Well I waddled while Ben forgot about his wife and ran ahead. As I passed the Visitor's desk and the long line the volunteer kept yelling at us with authority and disdain in her voice since we apparently were breaking the rules.
"Excuse me, umm Excuse me, you need to get in line."
We continued to ignore her as I swiftly waddled past her while pulling my shirt down and holding my pants up hopeing that no one could see that they were unzipped but happy that they were still on. Ben finally stopped to wait for me and yelled,
"SHE IS IN LABOR!"
Hah take that crazy power hungry volunteer!!!! I thought to myself, as I stepped on the escalator. We arrive on the Labor and Delivery floor.
Ben swiftly walks on while I stop to deal with a contraction. I have to yell for him as he is 30 feet ahead. "Oh whoops" he says as he realized he has completely left me behind. "Remember me-I'm the one having our freaking baby!"
We then walk into L&D together and see no one in sight. I send Ben to go get someone. I waddle to the bathroom in triage because I think I need to go. On the way I see a nurse exit a curtained off room/area. Because I was raised right I sweetly smile at the nurse as I close the bathroom door. What is wrong with me? I prepare to go the bathroom and then I try to sit. I can't move. I am in a mid squat holding on to the bathroom wall bar when I realize "Umm, I don't need to go to the bathroom, apparently I need to push." I squat/waddle/stumble to the door open it a crack to try to preserve my modesty and helplessly say "Help." No one is there. I do this two more times with no success. In my squat I stumble back over to the squat bar and maintain/resume my 45 degree angled squat, confused as to what to do now. At this moment my OB calls me on my cell phone. I answer in my lovely mid squat, panting and talking in broken sentences. "Umm Hi....... Dr. F,.......... I think I need to push..."
"What? Where are you, Brynn?" She replied.
"Umm the bathroom........... in triage, .........but no one.......... knows I am here yet,....... I just walked in."
"Brynn you need to get out of the bathroom."
"Umm, yeah........ I can't........ move."
"Brynn, you cannot have your baby in the bathroom."
I think the baby disagreed. Also at this point, being in full blown labor let's take a moment to recognize that your wits are not fully about you. So what do I do next?
I then reply, "Okay...... well I am....... going to.......go now."
I then hang up on my doctor! I look down at my pants and think "There is no way I can bend over to put those back on to leave this bathroom and go get the nurse."
Now at this point you are probably wondering 'Where is Ben?' Oh Ben found someone-the lady at the registration desk. She took him hostage and insisted he check- in again despite the fact that we already gave them all our info earlier that day.
Okay back to me since that is what you really care about right?
At this point I hear the triage phone ring, a moment of silence and then feet running towards me. Hallelujah I didn't lock the bathroom door after my last feeble attempt of calling for help.
As the door opens I see the face of an angel. The same RN I sweetly smiled at a few minutes ago. Ben's sweet face shows up at the door a second later.
The nurse says, "Honey, you need to get out of this bathroom."
"I ....... can't move."
"You can't have your baby in the bathroom."
"I. can't. move."
" I need you to walk to that stretcher."
I look up. The walk to the stretcher seems to be the distance of a 5K.
"I don't think I can."
"You have to Honey. Come on let's go," she insists.
I look down at my pants, realizing I won't be able to get them back on. The nurse takes my arm. -decision time- I swiftly step out of all my clothing below the waist if you know what I am saying and as gracefully as possible-which is not at all- I waddle across triage (which is open to the hallway and entrance doors of L&D) half naked! Ben tries to protest as he is the only one aware enough to realize the horror of this situation. Thank goodness this girl waddled fast enough that no one else saw her walk of shame. I "gingerly" get on the stretcher, as the nurse says "I have to check you NOW." The curtain is still open. Ben completely aghast that no one is concerned about my modesty runs to shut it.
The RN checks my progress. Her face says it all. She picks up the phone and barks, "I need a delivery room NOW!" I think please let me be past 7 cm. Really Brynn? Denial apparently had the leading role in this drama.
Ben then asks, "Can she get an epidural?" as the RN whisks open the curtain and starts pushing the stretcher as she RUNS along side it. Ben quickly covers my lower half with a sheet.
"How far along am I?" I ask. She doesn't answer. A contraction starts, I bear down. She sees my scrunched up face and says in an 'Oh no you don't' tone. "No, open your mouth in a circle and breathe out." I obey.
"How far along am I?" I ask again then my face bunches up and I start to bear down. "She replies "No, open your mouth in a circle and breathe out." At this point I am white knuckling the side rail and groaning as we turn the corner in the hallway, completely embarrassed, but in so much pain I can't control it.
The RN finally answers me right before we enter the delivery room. "Your complete."
What!? Remember that denial thing? I kind of figured what with the speeding stretcher and all, but I was so out of it with the pain, I still needed to hear it from her.
We entered the delivery room to about ten nurses standing at the ready. They lined up the stretcher parallel to the bed and told me to move to the delivery bed. Really?
I was still in the middle of a contraction and sharply barked,"NO!"
The whole room stopped in shock. Where was that nice girl that was smiling when she waddled in? The nurses then discussed between themselves that they didn't think Dr. F would want to deliver the baby on the stretcher. In the middle of the contraction I am thinking. "WHO THE HECK CARES WHAT DR. F WANTS. I AM THE ONE HAVING THIS BABY!" The contraction ended. My Mr. Hyde went away and my Dr. Jekkyl sweetly said. "Okay I can move now."
The nurses looked up shocked again at the turnabout but quickly helped me move to the bed. Once I was completely on the delivery bed the nurses realized Dr. F wasn't there yet and that they needed a doctor, ANY doctor. A nurse mentioned she just saw Dr. S down the hall down at the nurses station, as another ran to go get Dr. S.
Another contraction started a second after I hit the bed to which I replied with a push. PAUSE-did I mention that my water hadn't broke yet? Which is why I didn't realize I was as far along as I was, since my water breaking started my previous two labors.
Okay RESUME-so I push once, a splash explodes and hits all the nurses at the end of the bed as they jump back-Whoops! "That's for making me change beds!" I yell. Just kidding! I didn't say that.
After my first push I think the head is out. With eyes closed in pain, I ask incredulously "Is the head out?" No one answers. I repeat myself. No one answers so Ben looks down the bed and says, "Yes, the head is out Honey. One more push for the shoulders and you'll be done." At this point there isn't a doctor in sight, the delivery bed isn't broken down, and it feels like it is just Ben and I in this. I push once more and feel the shoulders come out as I hear a nurse say, "The cord is around the neck and loose. I am removing the cord from around the neck." I finish the push and the rest of the baby's body lands on the bed, by her own little self. After she lands, the nurses pick her up, and Ben cuts the cord. They wipe her off and hand her to us. Did that really just happen?
A minute later Dr. F runs in to see the three of us, with Ben and I giggling, while we hold "Fatty" while muttering over and over. "I can't believe we are done!" & "I can't believe we just had a baby!" The nurses are laughing too, remarking that Dr. S down the hall didn't even make it. Two full pushes and she was here!
Unbelievably that all happened in the 10 minutes after we arrived to the hospital and only 30 minutes after I had kissed my other two babies in their beds at home.
The worst part was as I was waking up the next morning my brain started to register the event of the previous evening as I looked upon my perfect baby girl.
'Wait, did I really walk across Triage half naked? Oh no! Did I really groan loud enough for the whole floor to hear as they ran me down the hall. Great..... Oh wait did I really yell "NO!" to the nurses when they asked me to change beds. Oh. My. Goodness. Did I really deliver my baby by myself with two pushes with Ben informing me of the status of the situation.
I blushed a little that morning and giggled as I was overcome with embarrassment, not really caring as I held my sweet perfect baby, who didn't make a peep through the whole thing!
It has been a crazy ride since and disbelief and denial are still main characters in this drama as I look at the three rugrats around me and think who is responsible for these loud children. Luckily amnesia isn't a star in this show and I remember how each one of my three came to me, especially baby #3!
"Fatty" all swollen after birth.
She is our biggest baby at 8 pounds.