Mama's No Fool....

but apparently she is raising two.  Did they really think that this would work?  Check out the once intact and full gummy bear package.

I am sure it went down something like this.

"Neve, we'll just open the bag, eat them all and put back the empty package, she'll never guess!" Dane probably schemed.
I am sure he had Neve at the "Eat them all" part, without her having one pretty thought about concealing their mischief.

They think they are so clever and so aren't.  They must get that from me.

Did you notice all the other weird items in my pantry.  My brother Brandon and sister-in-law Andrea saw my pantry last year when they visited and we all just laughed at how different and weird it was.  My laugh might have shared it's moment with an exasperated sigh. This going to SEVEN different grocery stores sometimes in one week to stock the pantry and fridge is getting old. When at a friends house last week, she opened her fridge and pantry. I longingly looked at all the brands I once knew and loved.  I also realized she probably bought all those items in one fell swoop at the bulk heaven of Costco.  I miss Costco and it's bulkiness.

The best part is how I come across to everyone.  Having a child with food allergies can certainly turn you into a control freak.  Since I already was one I just now come across as a full blown freak.  Not to mention the full blown "Granola Yuppie" image I now exude.

Let me explain.  Just the other day-perfect example, Dane's teacher emails me to let me know that they are going to decorate gingerbread houses.  As I read this mixed emotions come. I am so excited to share in this fun moment, but crap how am I going to find a gluten free, corn free, dairy free, everything free gingerbread house.  I am not, but I pray I will be able to find a recipe to make one. I do and I am elated.  I can do this I tell myself as I see the ingredients of twenty that include a mix of five different alternative flours(rice, tapioca, potato, etc.) Okay I think I can do this. This gingerbread house is going to cost me $40 and five hours of swearing in the kitchen.  But I am determined.  Dane will have a gingerbread house like every other child.

Dane's teacher sends another email letting me know the ingredients they are using.  The first being a large orange juice cardboard carton for the house.  HALLELUJAH!  Cardboard has never looked so tasty. The second and third ingredients were frosting and candy.  Okay I've got this.  No big deal now.

Here comes the granola yuppie part.  So I walk into Dane's classroom with my Whole Foods bag-naturally since they actually carry the majority of the food that Dane and I can eat.  In my bag is Dane's special made from scratch frosting and all his special candy.  Now this isn't just any candy.  When you have to buy a corn free dye free candy you often get the bonus of it being organic.  Thankfully it is organic, because when Dane is eating his fifth pound of candy I want everyone to calm down because what really matters is that the sugar is organic.  Priorities people!

So can you imagine what the other mothers are thinking when I walk in with my Whole Foods bag and start unpacking my homemade frosting and largely labeled ORGANIC I AM BETTER THAN YOU candy.  Even better is as we are each helping our child frost the carton the teacher comes up to Dane and I and sweetly and loudly exclaims, "Oh look homemade frosting!"   If was as if she said, "Oh look you love your child more!" Because that is I am sure what these women heard. I winch as I literally see the other mothers at the table tense.  Their eyes send daggers my way as they scoop from their now shame filled store bought frosting containers. Pause-Can you imagine if I had needed to bring in the homemade gingerbread house pieces.

In this moment I am sure in their minds they are labeling me as a Granola Yuppie. The irony is they feel inferior while I am just longing to be like them and for my child the opportunity to reach out and eat from the group candy/treat decorating tray full of dyes, gluten, corn syrup and such. Just for a moment for him to be like everyone else.

Redemption came a few minutes later when the same teacher came over and offered every one a sugar cone to be placed upside down as a evergreen tree with green frosting.  When she got to us, she asked if Dane was allergic to this or not.  I replied that indeed he was and thanks anyway.  After this exchange, I swear you could see the other mothers shoulders drop by at least two inches, as their shoulders exclaimed, "Oh she isn't an elitist, it's food allergies."

One mother spoke up and said "Oh, so he has food allergies," in a 'that explains it' tone.  I replied "Yes so when I am shooing your little girl's glutenized hand away from touching Dane's allergy free space and food. I am not trying to be uptight and rude. I am just trying to keep from causing Dane injury and pain."  No I didn't say that-I wanted to but no I refrained and simply replied, "Yes he has >20 food allergies including gluten and dairy."

We all continued on in peace and joy as the balance had been restored. No I wasn't a granola yuppie, just a mom with a family with food allergies.

So with that long winded story what I guess what I am trying to say is, don't judge my pantry because (especially when it comes to the grocery bill) I am longing for yours.

Dane's pesticide free sugar full gingerbread house